AI in Dating Apps: What's the Ideal Role?

Ballroom Research. March 13, 2025

In today's digital dating landscape, artificial intelligence has become an increasingly influential player. From profile optimization to message suggestions, AI features are rapidly transforming how people connect online. But as these technologies advance, an important question emerges: what role should AI ideally play in dating apps? Should it take center stage by writing messages and crafting profiles, or should it remain in the background, enhancing human connection without replacing it?

The Current State of AI in Dating Apps

Major dating platforms have embraced AI across various aspects of their services. Popular apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid have implemented AI features for different purposes. Tinder uses AI for photo selection and personalized match recommendations, while Bumble employs AI for its "Opening Moves" feature and safety tools like the "Deception Detector" that identifies fake profiles. Hinge leverages AI for its "Prompt Feedback" to help users improve their profile responses, and OkCupid uses ChatGPT to generate matching questions.

Research indicates that 14% of Gen Z daters and 6% of all single individuals are already using AI to facilitate their dating journey. These implementations generally fall into four categories:

1. Profile optimization: AI suggesting or creating profile content and selecting photos
2. Matchmaking algorithms: AI suggesting compatible matches based on preferences and behavior
3. Message assistance: AI generating conversation starters or entire messages
4. Safety features: AI detecting fake profiles, scams, and inappropriate content

While these features offer convenience, they also raise significant concerns about authenticity and human connection.

The Authenticity Problem

The foundation of successful dating and relationships is built on authenticity, genuine human interaction, and vulnerability. Psychological research shows that attraction and connection are influenced by factors like proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and various forms of attraction (physical, emotional, romantic, etc.). Authenticity—being genuine and true to oneself—is crucial for building trust and meaningful relationships.

The growing trend of AI-generated messages creates a fundamental problem: when both parties use AI to write their messages, the result is essentially "AI talking to AI" – not a genuine human connection. This scenario undermines the core purpose of dating, which is to establish authentic connections between real people with their unique personalities and communication styles.

Several applications now offer AI-powered messaging support. Apps like Riz function as an "AI wing woman/wing man" available 24/7, while surveys indicate that 75% of users express interest in using generative AI tools like ChatGPT to craft "perfect messages" to their matches. But this approach comes with significant drawbacks:

• It removes the authentic voice and personality of the user
• It can create artificial expectations that don't match real-life interaction
• It may lead to dependency, hindering the development of communication skills
• It fundamentally misunderstands that imperfection and vulnerability are crucial elements of human connection

This background approach aligns with several core principles:

1. Human-centered design: Technology should enhance human connection rather than substitute for it
2. Authenticity preservation: AI should highlight real compatibility without creating artificial personas
3. Background operation: AI should work primarily behind the scenes, supporting human interaction
4. User agency: People should maintain control over their dating experience

Practical Applications of Background AI

What would this background role look like in practice? Here are specific ways AI can enhance dating without compromising authenticity:

1. Compatibility Identification

AI can analyze the specific details within user profiles to identify deeper connections and shared passions that might not be evident from a superficial scan. Instead of just noting "travel" as an interest, AI could analyze preferred travel styles (e.g., adventurous backpacking vs. luxury resorts) to find more specific alignment.

This could take the form of visual compatibility maps showing shared interests, values, and potential conversation topics between two users, without writing messages for them or altering their profiles.

2. Values Alignment Insights

AI can analyze user responses to questions about their beliefs, ethics, and life philosophies to highlight potential partners who share similar fundamental values. This could involve natural language processing of open-ended responses or analyzing users' stances on various social and political issues.

3. Safety Enhancement

AI can play a crucial role in creating safer dating environments through proactive protection against fake profiles and scammers, content moderation for inappropriate messages and images, and behavioral pattern recognition to identify problematic user behavior patterns. These features can work effectively in the background without compromising authentic interaction.

4. Educational Support

Rather than replacing user skills, AI can help develop them through dating skills development, constructive feedback, and reflection prompts. After a conversation ends, AI could offer private feedback on communication patterns, suggesting ways to improve future interactions without writing messages for the user.

Benefits of a Human-Centered Approach

Implementing AI as a background tool rather than a replacement for human interaction offers significant benefits:

For Users:

• Users improve their dating and communication abilities rather than becoming dependent on AI
• Interactions remain genuine and personal, increasing the likelihood of meaningful relationships
• Users maintain control over their dating experience rather than ceding it to algorithms

For Dating Platforms:

• More meaningful connections lead to higher satisfaction and positive word-of-mouth
• Platforms can stand out in a crowded market by offering a more authentic approach to dating
• Building a reputation for facilitating genuine relationships drives long-term success

Measuring Success Differently

Traditional dating app metrics often focus on engagement rather than meaningful connection. A human-centered approach requires different success metrics that emphasize the quality of connections rather than just quantity:

• Conversation depth and quality rather than just volume
• Relationship formation rates and quality
• User satisfaction with authentic connections
• Skill improvement in communication and dating abilities

Conclusion: The Future of AI in Dating

The ideal role for AI in dating should focus on enhancing compatibility by analyzing user profiles to highlight shared interests, values, and desires. Instead of writing messages, AI could suggest conversation topics based on commonalities, empowering users to engage authentically.

As dating apps continue to evolve, the most successful will be those that understand technology should bring people together rather than stand between them. By implementing AI as a background tool that enhances human connection while preserving authenticity and agency, dating platforms can help users find not just more matches, but better matches—and ultimately, more meaningful relationships.

The perfect balance lies in using AI to facilitate, not dictate, human connection—ensuring that technology serves to enhance rather than replace the essential human elements of romance.